It's a situation that we don't wish on anyone, but which nevertheless stems from a much more widespread phenomenon than you might think:in France, 50,000 children and adolescents are victims of abuse each year, which would lead to one death every five days. Among the general population, approximately one in five women and one in thirteen men would declare that they had been victims of abuse during their childhood. However, this is in the majority of cases inflicted by the close entourage of the victim, and in more than 85% of cases by at least one of the two parents. If the most sordid cases end up making the headlines, the reality of this form of violence is much more insidious because of its intimate and daily context, which trivializes it among the victims. Cases of child abuse have exploded since the start of the health crisis and the withdrawal into the home that accompanied it...
There are also several forms of abuse, between physical violence inflicted on the child, violence of a sexual nature, moral and psychological violence, negligence towards the victim, or drug violence... Here again, some of them go more easily unnoticed by the rest of the child's entourage, who may be the first to be reluctant to mention it, or even not realize that they are a victim of it! Moreover, one should not allow oneself to be influenced in one's judgment of a situation by any clichés:abuse exists in all social circles, and the executioners are both men and women (it is more frequently the work of both mothers and fathers). Nobody is a priori above all suspicion, and it is moreover the litany of testimonies of miscellaneous facts that we hear each time on the same theme which reminds us of this ("he was a guy good/a good neighbor/a loving husband/a present father, etc.").
And if these situations are not easy to identify, grandparents may be in a privileged position to fulfill this role. It is no doubt heartbreaking to cast such suspicion on one's own child and/or their partner, and even more so to assume one's grandchildren are in pain, but the only way to help them is to intervene, rather than ignore an overly unpleasant reality.
Of course, there is a difference between having disagreements with your child about the education of your whimsical grandchildren, and a situation of actual abuse. It is sometimes the grandparents themselves who are the perpetrators of these acts, especially when they were already abusive with their own children, or when they have a toxic relationship with them. We must therefore take things into account and ask ourselves if the child is really suffering, or if this accusation is itself motivated by resentment and bitterness.
While abuse is not always easy to identify, it is instead defined by the WHO as "all forms of physical, emotional or sexual abuse, neglect or negligent treatment, or forms of exploitation, including commercial activities, resulting in actual or potential harm to the child's health, survival, development or dignity in the context of a relationship of responsibility, trust or power." In other words, it is any form of violence capable of having serious consequences for the physical, mental and emotional development of the person concerned. Two forms of ill-treatment can be distinguished, between:
The forms of violence are distinguished, as mentioned above, between deliberate physical violence (blows, suffocation, violent shaking, drowning, etc.), psychological (threats, insults, isolation, intimidation, exposure to violence, etc.) and sexual ( sexual abuse, prostitution, exposure to sexual activities, etc.), while gross negligence consists of a failure to provide him with basic goods (food, clothing, shelter), to protect him from forms of violence or dangers, or to ensure access to care and treatment. It should be borne in mind that these forms of abuse can take place simultaneously.
In addition to the physical danger incurred by the victims of abuse, other serious consequences include behavioral problems such as increased aggressiveness (victims of abuse are more likely to become the perpetrators themselves), a withdrawal and social isolation, academic failure, sleep and eating disorders, suicidal tendencies or self-harm, and so on. These symptoms are all clues that should alert you to a possible situation of abuse.
There are external signs of the violence suffered (unexplained hematomas and injuries, poor hygiene, developmental delay, etc.) while others are to be identified in abnormal behavior and warning signs (mistrust, inhibitions, anxieties, absenteeism , fatigue, attention disorders, muteness, etc.). The child himself may be reluctant to cooperate. Contrary to a common prejudice, it is indeed rare for children to exaggerate or amplify the facts, it is actually quite the opposite that tends to occur, the child minimizing them out of shame, fear of reprisals, out of guilt (having the feeling of deserving or being responsible for the acts suffered), or even because of social withdrawal or aggressiveness creating a barrier with one's environment. However, it is all the more important to act since, if these sequelae can handicap the person concerned for life, they can also be overcome thanks to their management within a healthier environment, and this with as much more likely to succeed if they are identified early and perpetrated over a short period of time.
Of course, not all of these forms of abuse are easy to identify. On the other hand, the absence of evidence does not prevent the denunciation of an act of ill-treatment. The Civil Code defines it as follows:"If the health, safety or morals of a child are in danger, or if the conditions of his education or his physical, emotional, intellectual and social development are seriously compromised". If you feel that your grandchild is potentially in this situation, you must therefore intervene. It is not for you to conduct the investigation in order to gather evidence but for the child protection services. Your role is simply to alert to the situation. It is even an obligation:in the event of inaction if one is truly aware of abuse, one can be prosecuted for failure to assist a person in danger.
A simple suspicion is therefore sufficient to contact 119 :this is the National Telephone Reception Service for Children in Danger (SNATED). Childcare professionals who receive these calls will assess the risk of danger during the interview, and if it seems to exist, will then contact the appropriate departmental services according to the estimated seriousness of the situation. Calls are confidential, and it is possible to refuse to reveal one's identity (although the telephone number used can be transmitted to the magistrates if it leads to a judicial inquiry). It is also possible to write directly to the unit for collecting worrying information in your department, which normally takes over following a call to 119, or to contact an association fighting against child abuse!
First of all, grandparents have rights with regard to their descendants, as well as duties. If the parents are therefore holders of parental authority which the grandparents cannot oppose, their ancestors benefit on the other hand from the right of the child to maintain personal relations. This can be limited in certain cases (consumption of drugs or alcohol, convictions for physical or sexual violence, conflict deemed harmful with the parents, proven senility, etc.), but when it is flouted without justification, the grandparents can appeal to the family court judge. The judge may then decide to set a right to periodic accommodation for the grandparents, which would expose the parents to criminal prosecution if they do not honor it.
When a child is in a crisis situation, such as those of abuse mentioned above (or also in the event of separation or divorce, if the family court judge considers that it is not in the interest of the child to reside with his parents and therefore decides to place him on an exceptional basis, or when one of the parents is stripped of his parental authority), grandparents can be entrusted with their grandchildren. This will be decided following the investigation and the decision of the judicial authority. It is a measure (with grandparents or another relative) which is, on the other hand, not very developed in France, where placement in a foster family or in an establishment is preferred. Of the 300,000 minors taken into care by child protection services, about half are placed, but less than ten percent of them with relatives.
